Top 4 Reasons why the island on Lost is a Puritanical Male; through season 2

Note: I’ve only seen the first two seasons of Lost so far, so I don’t pretend that upcoming events could unravel my hypothesis.

Note 2: Don’t tell me what happens after season 2!

Note 3: If you haven’t seen Lost and you want to be surprised, stop reading now and don’t whine to me about spoilers.

I know that I’m a few years late on watching Lost. I have never been good at setting aside time every week to watch a TV show, but thanks to the power of Netflix, I’ve been able to cram in the first two seasons in a relatively short amount of time. Also, it is an awesome show. Granted, I hear that it slows down after the first two seasons (much like Dexter), but so far, I’m really liking it and frequently pondering why things are unfolding the way they are. I would probably have gone mad if I had to wait a week to see the next episode rather than the time it takes me to reach down and hit play on my Roku remote.

So far, however, I’ve come up with a pretty solid hypothesis that the island is a 17th century Puritan man.

#1: If you’re an unmarried woman who has sex on the island, you are going to die.

There are only three women on the island that we know have had sex at this point in the series: Shannon (with Sayid after he builds her a bespoke tent), Ana Lucia (with Sawyer in order to steal his gun [not a euphemism]) and Sun (with Jin after he arrives back from the raft exploding). Only one of these women is married and only one of these women is still alive at the end of season two. Guess what! It is the same woman. It would seem that if you’re going to get down and dirty, you’d better either have a ring on that finger or speak Korean. We can’t be sure it isn’t the ability to speak Korean that keeps Sun alive, though it seems unlikely.

Regardless, both unmarried women are killed shortly after getting it on. Sure, you could argue that we don’t know what’s going on with the rest of the camp and the blonde extra with the blue mid-riff polo shirt may be whorin’ it up, but we don’t have any evidence of said whoring, so we can’t include them in this analysis. All we know is that if you do it on camera, and you’re an unmarried woman, you’re going to die.  Not only that, but we know how you’re going to die.

#2: There’s only one way to kill a tramp.

Of note is that both Ana Lucia and Shannon died in the exact same way; a .45 to the middle of the chest. Men on the show have died in a variety of ways such as a sharpened branch through the heart, having their skull crushed by a giant Nigerian, a quick neck snap and a turbo prop falling on them. But the island only sees one way to deal with a trollop.

“But what about Libby? She died the same way,” you ask. Well, I’m glad you did. On the surface, Libby doesn’t fit the pattern. We never witness her have sex. Since she was dating Hurley, I’m quite happy about this fact. However, if you’ll recall, she was in the hatch to pick up blankets for a secluded picnic with Hurley. We don’t know if they were even going to cuddle, but the island could take no chances and, through Michael, shot her. Twice. This also varies from Ana Lucia and Shannon’s deaths since Libby took two to the gut rather than one to the chest. She still, however, was not allowed to live because she was close to sullying the island’s good name. With the island making pre-emptive strikes like this, Kate had better cherish every day that she’s allowed to live.

#3: If you’re a man, you’re fine.

One could argue that the men in these copulations have not been safe either, but these injuries have not been as a consequence of sex. Rather, all of their injuries have occurred prior to the act. Sure, we’ve seen Sawyer get shot at least twice and I’m sure there’s a YouTube compilation of all the times he gets hit with things. Jin is beaten, handcuffed, nearly drowned and almost blown up. Sayid gets knocked out, electrocuted and generally busted up. But these are all par for the course of living in an un-gentrified jungle and none of it happens post encounter. Much like our society, the woman involved suffers dire consequences and the men get a slap on the back or at most a finger wagging.

#4: Parents of bastards are totally hosed.

The tail section of Oceana flight 815 loses a lot of people out of the gate, but that’s assumed because they fell out of the sky into the Others’ backyard. The Others barely have to make an effort to take people from their camp at night. They probably abducted people out of convenience as much as anything. The center section of the plane, however, landed far enough away that it seems to be a real trek. You’d have to pack a lunch, dragging people for a long time while they kick is cumbersome and it would basically be a real chore.

That brings us to Claire and my least favorite character, Michael. Not because he’s black! Geez, you’re racist today. These are the only two characters to be taken by the Others who have come back. I don’t count Charlie in this because he never actually made it back to one of the Others’ camps before he was strung up by his neck and left for dead. Michael and Claire, however, were both captured, drugged or tortured and released back to their camp. This resulted in Claire losing a week of memory, getting lots of potentially dangerous vaccines and risking the life of her baby. Michael ended up freeing the captured Henry Gale, shooting two women (one who had had sex and another who was potentially going to with Hurley), shooting himself and betraying four of his friends.

What is the one thing that Claire and Michael have in common? They are the only two that we know had children.  More importantly, both children were born out of wedlock.

It is unclear why the island hates sex, but it is fairly evident that it does. Perhaps it will be revealed in the coming three seasons.

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