It is finally getting cold.
For the last two mornings, I have had the joy of sitting in my car for around 5 to 7 minutes while I wait for the defroster to melt the ice on my windshield. This is something I forgot about during the six and a half years I lived in Southern California where they don’t have weather, much less ice. It is my little time in the morning to relax, despise leather seats and think about why, in fact, I moved here. I could use an ice scraper and be off to work more quickly, but I don’t own an ice scraper and then I would get to work more quickly, so I wait.
Some people, however, do not.
As I leaned down to look up at the red light beneath the Miata’s painfully-low roof line, I saw something across the intersection that seemed out of place. There, second car back, was a Chrysler Town & Country whose windshield didn’t look like everyone else’s. Rather than being, you know, transparent, it was opaque with the exception of two 6-inch holes; one on the driver’s side, one on the passenger’s. Now, being a man of science, I developed a hypothesis that this driver was a harried moron that couldn’t be bothered to take the time to remove the thin sheet of ice from their car and would rather put themselves and conceivably the children in the van (because why would you own a minivan if you don’t have kids) as well as every other driver on the road in danger. Unfortunately, I didn’t have time to test my hypothesis.
As the light went green, I looked over as I passed the van, positive that the driver was not able to see out of the 6-inch hole in the ice. The reason I was so sure is that when your car’s defroster initially melts the ice, it doesn’t get rid of it altogether. Rather, it melts it just enough that you can use your windshield wipers to move the slushy mess out of your line of sight and to the sides. There were none of the telltale lines that the wipers had been used. Luckily, my eyes confirmed that she was not using those ports in the ice for vision. Rather, her torso and neck were stretched to her roof so that she could look through the thin 1-inch line across the top of the windshield that had not iced over.
Well done, ma’am. Well done.