I don’t know whether it is the copious amounts of water I drink in a given day (around 96 oz at work alone), that I exercise before work and don’t drink electrolytes afterward or that I just naturally crave junk food, but there are some days where I NEED potato chips. More specifically, I need salt and a fried potato that is .055mm thick just sounds delicious.
My pusher is Lays and I like their original chips when I need a quick fix. I know, you’re going to go on about how there are better chips, the poetry of kettle cooked chips, the symphony of spices and variety available on the open market, but save it. I just want something that I can lay on my tongue and crush against the roof of my mouth and enjoy.
This sounds easy enough in that they are available everywhere, right? Well, my building on campus has no vending machines. The next building, however, does. So, I have to go downstairs, walk across the production floor, badge myself through the turnstile and then walk the roughly 300 yards to Coffee Plus where the vending machines are. This is where I start to go ballistic.
I can’t tell you how often I walk this far only to discover an open cavity where my sweet, yellow bundle of fried and salted goodness should be nestled, waiting for me to relieve the burden of my 80 cents in exchange. You will notice that there are two slots filled with Doritos. From a purely business standpoint, if you were in charge of stocking vending machines and you came down every day to find that one item was consistently empty while another item that you have allotted twice the precious real estate to was consistently full, don’t you think you’d start making the switch? Maybe make a little more money? Now look, I have nothing against Doritos. They’re fine and I enjoy them when I’m at parties, bar-b-ques and other areas where the condensation from the beer I’m drinking flushes the Dorito dust off the tips of my fingers. What I don’t like, however, is turning my keyboard and mouse orange. I also don’t care for that much flavor in the morning. I just want something simple and salty, not a blast of cheese and pepper.
So, I leave Coffee Plus and walk on to the next building, up a flight of stairs, through a cubicle gopher village, badge myself through yet another door and there, shining in all its glory is a fully-stocked machine, waiting to take my money.
Here’s the thing, I’m sure if your job is stocking vending machines, you’re either the entrepreneurial owner of the vending machine company who is pulling him or herself up by their bootstraps and making a go of it in this land of opportunity, but more than likely, you knocked up your girlfriend in your junior year and this is your penance. But even you must understand supply and demand! Come on, man! I just want some simple potato chips!