January has been a rough month for red heads in the media.
First, came the sports news of the admission by Mark McGuire that he had never been bitten by a radioactive spider, but that some of his massiveness could be attributed to anabolic steroids. He claims that his hitting was, however, unaffected. Next, the fight for late night heated up as the media provided in-depth coverage of the ousting of cherished ginger flagship, Conan O’Brien’s prominent back-stabbing by NBC as they ripped The Tonight Show from his freckled hands to give it back to Jay “Old and Boring” Leno after a mere 7 months.
Now I learn that my morning source of news, the scarlet siren of the breaking story, Heidi Collins will no longer be the anchor of CNN’s American Morning. I have not been able to catch the morning news this week since her departure (ousting?), but I will wager that Ms. Collins’ replacement is not of the crimson lock.
Could it be that someone saw red heads beginning to gain substantial influence over the American populace before they go to sleep and just after they wake up (possibly gaining control of the ever-important dreams that focus the mind, but I don’t have the test results back yet) and decided that soon we would be treated with the respect and admiration that we so rightly deserve? We may never know, but all of this seems just a little too much for mere coincidence.
Heidi, I will miss reading your words in closed captioning as I exercise on the elliptical at the gym before work. Your replacement will surely be lacking in your depth, warmth, and smooth milky skin commitment to the craft. After three and a half years, your green eyes and crimson locks will no longer stare back at me and thus, we honor you as our January Ginger of the Month.