The first standup roller coaster that I ever ventured on was King’s Island’s King Cobra. It is now defunct because people kept falling out and dying. Seems like a good reason. This tempting of gravity and physics hasn’t stopped other theme parks from retaining their standup coasters.
Among those that soldier on is Six Flags Magic Mountain. This was my first time at the park and, with Kat and her brother, was bound and determined to ride as many roller coasters as possible. With X2 and Tetsu (both are bitchin’) out of the way, we made our way to the upper right hand side of the park and got in line for Riddler’s Revenge. It is the counterpart to Batman: The Ride. Both coasters put you vertical with the Riddler standing you on your feet and Batman suspending you with your tootsies dangling. This distinction is important.
When it was our turn, we found the three of us occupying most of our car with one spot open for a straggler. I always feel bad for the stragglers who are either there by themselves or are the loveless one of a group who can’t get anyone to ride with them. A rail-thin guy in his late 40’s, early 50’s slid into the standing seat beside me, filling our car completely.
Going upside down on the first loop, I felt something solid him my arm that was pinned down by the padding of the car. I looked down, didn’t see anything and thought little of it until we pulled back into the station with the characteristic lurch of a roller coaster.
“Make sure not to step on those, please,” the guy beside me said, pointing near my brother-in-law’s feet. There, sitting at the base of the car was an upper set of teeth! I put two and two together and realized that I’d been struck in the arm by his false teeth!
He made jokes about it happening on another coaster Déjà vu earlier in the day. All I could think was how much more appropriate it would have been if that roller coaster had been the second one to have lost his teeth. Then I began to wonder, why didn’t he have Polident or keep his mouth closed? What if this had been a roller coaster with no floor? Why hadn’t he put them in his pocket? WTF, man? Those are your teeth!
Despite being “air-bitten”, I made out better than Kat who, upon seeing them at her feet, could focus on nothing else the entire ride. At least I didn’t notice a set of dentures shimmying back and forth at my feet.