DISCLAIMER: I do not pretend to possess a superior knowledge of comic books or film involving nor the mythology surrounding the character of Wolverine or any of the other Stan Lee created X-Men. All information I have is the result of having watched X-Men, X-Men 2: X-Men United, and having played the SNES game Wolverine as a rental from Movieland USA and I read the instruction booklet on the way home while my mom drove.
Like myself with my MCR1 gene, Wolverine is a mutant. My super power is to burn quickly when exposed to sunlight. Contrary to popular belief, Wolverine’s claws are not his super power. His super power is actually that he heals almost instantaneously from injury, making him the perfect guinea pig for experiments by the military to create a super weapon with an armored skeleton and retractable knives in his arms that can be controlled by his mind. Constructed from nearly impervious Adamantium alloy, Wolverine can use these claws to dispatch foes and slice carrots for salads with equal ease. Once the job is done, the claws can be quickly retracted and the wounds between his knuckles heal instantly to erase the tell-tale mark so that he can blend back into society.
It is that last part that I recently thought about and has bothered me for three days. He retracts the claws, after a fight. How fucking unsanitary is that?! Follow me for a minute. You’ve just stabbed a villain that wants nothing more than to kill you. The blood is still warm on your knife. Do you then lick that blade clean? No! But essentially, that’s what Wolverine does every time he pulls those claws back inside of his arm. I doubt that he carries around a bunch of anti-bacterial handiwipes to clean them off after a fight. Think of all the pathogens and germs that are on those claws! He’s basically becoming blood brothers with everyone he drops.
And let’s consider those people that he kills. I doubt that there are a lot of mid-level managers with two kids and a picket fence that are getting into death matches with a mutant killer. From what I’ve seen in the movies, it is mainly other mutants. So, these social outcasts who literally have to fight for their lives are uncertain of their future and live on the fringe of society, unsure of what tomorrow will bring. That means likely a poor diet and lots of risky sex. I’m not talking about homecoming queens who accidentally forget a condom, but they go through with it in the heat of the moment. No. I’m talking about the kinds of girls that anyone can pick up; crack whores; needle sharing, sex trading crack whores. Plus, if there were really mutants, you know that there would be a fetish for it! Again, not in the Secretary kind of way, but in an underground syphilis swapping kind of way.
These are the guys who are going to fight Wolverine. A little stabby stabby, pull the claws back in, and suddenly, you’ve got gonorrhea. Then, you’re passing that on to Jean Grey without knowing it. Have some responsibility!
Maybe Wolverine has not only super healing, but is impervious to viruses and bacteria. I don’t know. If you do, please let me know so that I can put my mind to rest.